Helping Your Child Understand Tragedy

By Barbara Flor, Ed.S.

Licensed Professional Counselor

December 14, 2012

As we all watch in sadness, bewilderment and horror the news from Connecticut on the senseless school shooting, we may feel the need to hug our children a little tighter and do our best to keep them safe.  But how do we allay their fears and keep them from being traumatized by these upsetting world events.  Here are some tips that may help:

• Assure your child of his or her safety at home, at school, and other places he or she may visit regularly.   Let your child know what you and others have done and are doing to keep him or her safe.
• Maintain regular home and school routines to support the process of recovery and to convey the message of normalization.
• Don’t feel like you have to talk about the event.  If your kids aren’t interested in talking and they don’t seem upset by the situation, you don’t have to push the issue.
• If your child brings it up, it’s fine to talk about it, but do so in age-appropriate terms and don’t give more information then necessary. Tell your child what he or she needs to know, not everything that you know.
• Keep the TV-watching to a minimum and monitor the information your kids are receiving.  If your children are exposed to traumatic images, Fred Rogers of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood was quoted as saying  we should help them “look for all the people who are helping”.   Focus on the helpers and the way communities come together to offer support to one another.
• Kids who have experienced trauma in their past may be more likely to be upset by any trauma.
• It’s important that a parent not pass on their own fears to their children.  Limit your displays of intense emotion.  Your children will feel more secure if you are in control.
• Recognize that there are some feelings that we can only understand and perhaps share, but not fix.  And that’s okay.  It’s enough for us to be there for our children even though we may not have all the answers.
• Most importantly, remember to take care of yourself.  If you are overwhelmed and emotional, it will be more difficult to provide support and stability for your child.

If your child is exhibiting extreme changes in behavior, difficulty sleeping, or other unusual symptoms, be sure to contact your doctor or mental health professional for a complete evaluation.

For more resources, please click here to see information provided by the National Association of School Psychologists (NASP).